Friday, December 4, 2009

Glory Baby

On Thanksgiving morning, I woke up and took one of these:

Yup! That's a positive pregnancy test! I was so excited--Scott and I have been wanting to add to our family and have been praying for a baby. I woke Scott up at 7:00 to show him the results. (Yes, I thrust a pee stick in his face first thing in the morning. Isn't that a wonderful way to wake up?)

We went to Thanksgiving at my parents' house and told our immediate family members. Of course they were all very happy for us.

On Monday, I made an appointment with my Ob/Gyn for mid-December.

On Tuesday, I started spotting a little. I called and talked to a nurse at my doctor's office, and she said that what I described was probably normal and to just call back if the bleeding got heavy or if I started to have pain. That night I went out to dinner with some great girlfriends of mine, and during the evening I started to bleed more. By the time I crawled into bed that night, I knew something had gone horribly wrong. I cried myself to sleep while Scott held me tight.

On Wednesday, I woke up in pain. I called the doctor's office, and they asked me to come in that afternoon. I made an appointment for 2:20--by then I was bleeding heavily. At the appointment, the doctor gently confirmed what I already knew--I had lost the baby. I was only about 5 weeks pregnant.

Although this experience is hard and painful, I trust God. I know that He has my little baby in heaven right now. I imagine there is a special place there for babies who never even got a chance to make it out of the womb.

There is a song from Watermark (now just Christy Nockels) called Glory Baby that keeps going through my head. I wanted to share some of the lyrics here with you:
Glory baby, you slipped away
As fast as we could say
You were growing
What happened dear
You disappeared on us

Heaven will hold you
Before we do
Heaven will keep you safe
Until we're home with you....

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there's a day
When we will hold you, we will hold you...

But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
Til Mom and Dad will hold you
You'll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies
It's hard to understand it 'cause we're hurting
We are hurting
But there's healing
And we know we're stronger people
Through the growing and knowing
That all things work together
For our good
And God works His purposes
Just like He said He would...

I can't imagine heaven's lullabies
And what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing
Heaven is your home
And it's all you'll ever know

My friend Vickey sent me a card yesterday that reminded me that God's hands were big enough to create the world, and they are also strong enough to heal me and gentle enough to hold me. Amen to that.


Mandy and Jack said...

Oh my gosh, Tiffany!! I'm so, so so sorry!! I can't believe you made it to Awana after all of that! You are a strong woman.

I'll be praying for you. I know many people who have miscarried and I hear that the pain never really goes away. Here's to seeing that sweet baby in heaven someday.

evelyn said...
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Dana said...

Tiffany, my heart breaks for you. Having lost two myself, one still-born and one at 6 weeks miscarriage, I pray for the same peace and comfort that God gave and continues to give me to you and Scott. You aren't alone. There is never an easy time to lose a baby and I pray that you will be showered with His blessings today and in the days to come. Prayers and blessings,

evelyn said...
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Robin said...

Oh Tiffany! I am truly sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you and Scott. My heart aches for you. That song is one of my favorites. I hope you find comfort in those words and that our God carries you in these hard times.

Tiffany said...

Thank you all for your sweet comments and your prayers. Day by day, we are trusting in God and resting in the knowledge that our baby is in glory with Him.

I know that so many of you have been through similar situations, and your words of experience have touched my heart. Thank you for sharing your own hurts with me--I am so blessed to be surrounded by such supportive friends.

lucylucia said...

Tiffany! - I am so sorry to hear this. I'll be praying that for you and your lovely family!

Julie said...

Dearest Tiffany,

I was overjoyed to see the pregnancy test and then deeply saddened to hear of the loss you and Scott's baby.

I'm praying for ya'll that you will experience the loving arms of Jesus holding you ever so tenderly!

julie mac

Homeschooling6 said...

Tiffany, I'm so sorry for our loss. Lupe & I will keep you and Scott in prayer.

I have been thinking about you lately.


Lee Ann said...

Tiffany, there just really aren't words. We have lost two babies, a son who was stillborn and also miscarried at 12 weeks. The hard thing with miscarriage is that our culture doesn't value life, and so people tend to diminish the pain of a miscarriage. The grief of a miscarriage is hard, hard, hard. And your grief is real. Your child that you lost has a soul that will last forever and you are that child's mom, and it is OK to grieve as only a mother's heart can.
I will be praying for you and your family.

Dana said...

I just saw your post today. I am so sorry. No matter what stage of the pregnancy, it is always difficult.

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